


the story's over

by kaidouke



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Body Image, Character Death, Depression, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Hurt No Comfort, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:02:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29796462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaidouke/pseuds/kaidouke
Summary: really sad one shot. very intense lol proceed w caution. TW!! suicide, implied eating disorders and self harm.
Kudos: 3





	the story's over

**Author's Note:**

> hey i deleted my other book, it wasn't planned well and i kinda just wrote it bc i felt like it. sorry, i dont know if i will rewrite it. i love u all

sugawara koushi has always been the happy friend, the one who always puts others before himself. it worries everyone when he doesn't come to school for at least three days and hasn't been answering his messages. sugawara just wants to disappear, wants to fly up into the clouds and be free of everything. be free from all the school stress, his job, caring about everyone else's issues when no one cares about his. it's draining him, he feels like a pile of jelly. he just wants to stay asleep, so he does. he sleeps through every alarm and wakes up a noon, deciding it's too late to do anything so he doesn't leave his bed. he sit's in the dark, his room a dump, clothes and rubbish almost covering his entire floor but he doesn't have it in him to care. 

he ignores the hundreds of messages from the groupchat, the individual members asking where hes been and how practise has been boring without him there. it's a lie, they don't really care, no one actually does. they're just saying that to try to make him feel better, for pity. no one would truly care if he left, if he walked out right now and never turned back. just kept walking until he couldn't anymore. he wasn't really surprised when he opened the door to asahi and daichi waiting at his door with worried looks. he honestly wants to roll his eyes. they don't care, hes unconsciously convinced himself. 

the pair bombard him with questions on why he was away and why he hasn't been answering texts. he just replies that "he doesn't feel like it." and it's true, he doesn't feel like anything, it took him way too much energy to get out of his bed to walk to the door. 

"what is wrong with you koushi?! we are all so fucking worried about you and you're just sitting at home having the time of your life. we thought you fucking died!" daichi shouts, pushing his way into his house. "the place is a fucking mess, you don't even have the decency to clean up while you've had all this time!" asashi grabs daichi's shoulder, signalling for him to calm down.

suga's eyes water and he scoffs. "you don't fucking know me." he spits. daichi looks shocked, he really shouldn't.

"what is that supposed to mean?" his voice is calmer but still angry.

"i mean none of you know anything about me. you don't know nor do you care who i am." sugawara looks down, tears spilling from his eyes, daichi takes a step forward and goes into hug him.

"get the fuck away from me daichi!" he shouts, making daichi stumble back. "you don't fucking care about me, none of you do. none of you know what i go through every fucking day. i don't remember the last time i ate, the last time i showered or the last time i have done anything good to myself! you don't have a fucking clue how bad i've been doing daichi. yeah i know i have been ignoring you for so long but i don't care! i can't care! i have so much shit i need to do but i've been fucking rotting away in my room for nearly a week. i'm so close to fucking snapping and killing myself you know?! i can't fucking live like this. i don't want tp see any of you anymore." sugawara's voice shakes and daichi and asahi's faces turn to worry. "get the fuck out." he points to the door, the two look at his hand.

"fucking fine then! if you're just gonna make yourself feel worse by ignoring everything i'll respect that. dig yourself into a bigger fucking hole, see if i care." daichi scoffs and storms out, face twisting back into rage.

asahi stays behind. "we care for you suga." he gives him a gentle smile before turning and leaving, closing the door behind him

sugawara cries, falling to his knees and gripping his hair as ugly sobs rip from his throat. he tugs on his hair and curls himself into a ball, sobbing harder to the point he can barely breathe. he sucks in short, shallow breaths and scratches at his arms. _no one fucking cares, i can kill myself right now and no one will fucking notice. even if they did they wouldn't give a shit._

koushi stands on shaky legs and walks to his bathroom, heading to the medicine cabinet. he breathes deeply, tears still silently falling from his eyes. he grabs his phone and texts them all a shaky;

_**koushi** _

_i loive yiu all very much okay?_

**_shoyou_ **

_suga!!!!!_

_where have you been?_

_wait what's wrong why are you saying that._

**_koushi_ **

_nothhing wrong it's okn hinata_

_just wnated to say i lovved you all very much and thabk you for keepig me sane_

**_ryuunosuke_ **

_suga what the fuck_

**_asahi_ **

_suga no._

_i'm going there now._

**_koushi_ **

_please don't_

_asahi pllese_

**_kageyama_ **

_what is going on??_

**_ryuunosuke_ **

_suga is acting weird_

suga lets his phone drop to the ground, probably cracking it but he doesn't really care **.** _gotta do this quick._ he shakily grabs the bottle of pills tipping a good twenty onto his palm. he puts them into his mouth and gulps down water, his phone vibrating from texts messages and calls. he gulps again and reaches for more, pouring another twenty or more into his hand and hastily swallows them. his head starts to feel faint. fuck. he sits down on the edge of the bathtub, wanting to throw up. _you've got this far. just die already._ he hears the sound of his front being kicked down and the sound of hurried footsteps and yells of his name but they're so far, like his head is submerged in water. he gulps, hearing the door being kicked in.

asahi burst through the door. "koushi! koushi please no. koushi look at me." koushi slowly turns his head towards a crying asahi. he lifts his hands to asahi's face as he pulls out his phone.

"hey why are you crying?" suga's voice is slurred and light, "don't cry." suga tears up again while asahi calls the ambulance, explaining the situation.

"the ambulance is on their way okay? i got you, you're gonna be okay?' asahi chokes on a sob, seeing the three empty pill bottles on the ground. he grabbing suga's hand on his face and nuzzling into the touch. koushi smiles.

"i don't wanna be here asahi. let me do this." his smile falters and his hands drop, he wants to struggle but his body is so weak.

"suga no!" asahi grabs suga's body and puts his fingers to the other's mouth. "open your mouth koushi please." asahi sobs and koushi being too drowsy to care just does as he says. suga feels asahi's finger hit the back of his throat to make him throw up, suga gags. "you're okay koushi. try to throw up okay?" suga pouts and shakes his head weakly. 

"love you asahi..." koushi's eyes were heavy and so was his entire body. 

asahi feel's suga go limp in his arms and doesn't feel the soft breaths on his fingers anymore and takes them out. "no no no no koushi please stay with me fuck fuck!" 

the sounds of sirens become louder and louder. suga hears ringing in his ears, he wants to open his eyes but he can't.

"thank you..." suga says in a whisper.

**Author's Note:**

> this don't make sense and was a vent so lolsers hope u liked


End file.
